


begin again

by orphan_account



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Autism, Autistic Pines Family, Everyone is autistic!, Gen, Neurodiversity, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, POV Alternating, autistic characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-09
Updated: 2015-07-09
Packaged: 2018-04-08 11:06:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4302423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When you and Mabel are eleven, your parents sit down and tell you why this is. They say that you have autism. Autism. Au·tism. Easy. They don't tell you much about it, so you look it up yourself -</p><p> </p><p>you learn that <i>rock back and forth play it again rock           back and          forth, flap your hands </i> is called <i> stimming,</i> and everything falls into place for you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	begin again

1\. (Mabel)

 

It's something small,  _s m a l l,_ always, but it stays in your head like burning, like

 

something bad is going to happen something bad is going to happen something bad is going to happen something bad is going to happen something bad is going to happen

 

if you don't tap  _tap 1...2...3...4..._

 

 

Something bad is going to happen, and you can't get the thought out of your head, you don't  _want_ to think about _any of this but butbutbut_ you don't know how to make it go away,

 

something bad is going to happen something bad is going to happen something bad is going to happen

 

you don't want to think about this you  _don't._

 

Why won't it  _leave you alone?_

 

 

As you get older, you learn how to make this stop - your brother does research on this, he calls it  _anxiety,_ he calls it ob _sessive-_ comp _ulsive_ disorder, and when he tells you about it, you decide that the label fits you well. 

 

As you get older, you start doing certain things - _5...6...7...8 -_ that help make the ob _sessions_ go away. _  
_

 

2\. (Dipper)

 

Your entire life has been  _play it again, play it again, rock back and forth, rock        back             and         forth, flap your hands, play it again, play it again, play it again,_

 

_play it again, play it_

_again._

 

 

There are certain foods that you can stand the tex _ture_ of, and there are foods that feel  _wrong,_ foods that aren't quite right - this quickly becomes the case for other sensations as well, some  _sounds_ you can tolerate, some  _sounds_ you find yourself playing  _over_ and  _over_ and  _over_ and  _over_ and  _over_ and  _over_ again, and some  _sounds_ that are  _horrible._

 

And sometimes you find yourself unable to speak, or forgetting that you  _can_ speak - your sister does this sometimes, too. She writes things down on paper with brightly colored pens, and hands it to you for you to read out loud, and when you have issues speaking, she does the same for you.

 

When you and Mabel are eleven, your parents sit down and tell you why this is. They say that you have aut _ism._ Autism. Au·tism. Easy. They don't tell you much about it, so you look it up yourself - _  
_

 

you learn that  _rock back and forth play it again rock           back and          forth, flap your hands_ is called  _stimming,_ and everything falls into place for you.

 

3\. (Stan)

 

"Sometimes I start reading about something and I, like, get so immersed in it that I can't stop, you know?" Dipper says, one morning.

 

"Yeah," Mabel replies. "I do that sometimes, too!"

 

You have always known about your autism, but you were never diagnosed with it professionally. You were never interested in a diagnosis. You understand how your brain works, and that's it. You don't need a doctor to tell you things that you already know, things that are  _obvious_ to you. _  
_

 

"You guys know there's a word for that, right?" You tell them, and their eyes widen. "It's called a  _special interest._ "

 

"A special interest?" Dipper asks.

 

"Yeah," you tell him. "For example, I guess you could say that mine is money, or something. I spent a  _really_ long time learning about it - how it's made, it's history, all that. It's an autism thing."

 

Mabel blinks. "You have it too?"

 

"Yep," you smile, "I do."

 

Dipper tells you that his special interest has to do with the mysteries of Gravity Falls, and Mabel tells you that hers is boy bands and makeup, and you smile to yourself.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry, I didn't know how to end the fic lmao so it's kind of cut short but ANYWAYS autistic pines family is !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so important to me like holy shit
> 
> this is mostly based off of my experiences (i have ocd and autism as well) So


End file.
